First Day of School (But Not For Us)

Labor Day fun behind us (a great day at Lake Michigan with some neighbors), Annie spent this morning in her jammies, perched on a chair in her playroom, watching all the kids walk to their first day of school. Her eyes were big and round, and she was uncharacteristically quiet. Was she thinking about how, someday, she'll be walking a couple blocks to school, too? Was she wondering about preschool? Was she just completely worn out from 6 hours of playing on the beach yesterday?

In any case, it brought out lots of the usual emotions for me. I distinctly remember September 2004 - the very first September in my whole life when I hadn't been headed off to school as a student, substitute teacher, or bona fide teacher myself. I was fully 9 months pregnant with Annie, desperate to birth that child and see what being a mommy was all about, and yet . . . a little part of me missed that back-to-school feeling. Now that it's been a few years, I often forget how it was to be "in the classroom," but the beginning of September, with the school busses and the new backpacks and the fall energy, still makes me a little wistful.

So this morning, while Annie was pondering God-knows-what out the front window, I was, for the millionth time, thinking about the trade-offs we make when we decide whether to work or stay home, when to have kids, what kind of a mom to be. For me, there is really no "right" answer, because I truly miss teaching and yet I can't imagine not being here with the girls, either. For every time that I'm sweating through a hellish moment, swearing under my breath, giving a zillion time-outs, or changing a disgusting diaper, there are unimaginably sweet and irreplaceable moments that seem to balance it out. Like this afternoon, when I decided to celebrate the continued summer weather and our decidedly un-scheduled day with an impromptu trip to get ice cream. Watermelon for Annie, coffee for me, none for Jemma. Annie pedaled her little heart out on her tricycle the whole way there and back (this would NEVER have happened at the beginning of summer) and Jemma was content in the stroller. As I was walking home, watching all the high-schoolers get in their cars and drive away from their first day of school, I thought, How lucky am I to savor another summer day at home with my girls? So maybe I'm especially glad, this year, that nobody at our house is having their first day of school quite yet.